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If OKCupid’s studies are anything to go by, black men gave black women the cold shoulder too and vice versa.

A recent study found that black people of all ages were 10 times more likely to initiate contact with white people than other black people.

Following a romance in my early twenties with an older man who, I eventually accepted, was simply at a different stage of life, I went through a series of short relationships of varying significance.

I met lovely men—many of whom remain my friends—but by my mid-thirties, I still hadn’t met anyone with whom I felt that same degree of connection and passion I had known with my first love.

One dating expert said “If you are a black woman on and you’re not going to initiate contact then you are not going to date.